The Twinkie-Weiner Sandwich
A gentleman I met at Aggiecon 2001 introduced me to the Twinkie-weiner
sandwich: Slit open a Twinkie, insert a cooked hot dog, top with Cheez
Whiz. He swore that it was actually quite appealing once one got past
the initial "I'm eating a hot dog with Cheez Whiz on a Twinkie bun"
impression. I now issue a call to all young otaku who are brave of heart
and strong of stomach: Is he shitting me?
Those brave souls who attempt this recipe and live to tell
the tale will be chronicled here.
Update - 2/5/05
Quite a number of people have told me that the twinkie-weiner sandwich
premiered in Weird Al's movie UHF. Now, I've watched UHF.
I'm a big fan of UHF. And I don't recall seeing a Twinkie-weiner
sandwich in UHF. This doesn't mean that I'm calling my kind informants
liars; it's just a sign of how powerfully repulsed I am by the notion
of the Twinkie-weiner sandwich. I've succeeded in blanking it out of the
I suggest that the rest of you do the same.
My thanks to Zeus tfc, Scott Donovan (who says that he's "curious,
but I never seem to have all the necessary ingredients at the same time"
-- wimp!), Daniel O'Donnell, and ForeverJian (who adds that the new Weird
Al CD Running with Scissors has a clip featuring the twinkie-weiner
sandwich, and you can watch three people "eat it and smile."
Urp). According to Cory Radcliffe, Weird Al dips the sandwich in a glass
of milk before eating it. Really, now, people, that's not necessary. If
it's so dry that you need to do that, you haven't made it right.
Five brave and doughty souls have stepped forward to take the challenge.
In their own words:
Where to start......... well I had been searching
for some animé sites when I came to your site..... I read the "Challenge
To All Otaku" I decided to use my snack money to buy the needed
ingredients. As I was making it I thought to myself, "Am I insane?"
Then I remembered that there was no doubt of that (MUA HAHAHAHAHAHA).
As I was getting ready to take the first bite my best friend screamed
"DONT DO IT!!!!!!" and I ignored her and took a bite. I started
to feel sick but finished it. Then I high-tailed it to the bathroom.
After I got out I muttered to my friend, "If I'm going to do anything
like that again than kill me first." But then I remembered that
I knew I was a true Anime fan... I think ^_^. So there's my story!
Bobby Ienpu writes:
The Twinkie Dog, or "Twinkie Sandwich",
as you call it, has a long and honorable history... I first encountered
it in the movie "UHF" starring Weird Al Yankovic, where he
made it by slitting the twinkie open, pressing in the dog, and topping
it with spray-can cheese. Since then I have seen it now and again in
fanfics among the X-Men fan community.
Provided you can stomach the combination of
dairy and meat in the first place (and I know many people can't), the
peculiar mix of hotdog, fake cheese, and sweet sweet Twinkie is actually
quite good... on the right occasion. Celebrating a successful acquisition
of rare manga or tapes, for example.
I personally prefer my hotdogs good and crackly
on the outside, if fried, or well-roasted if BBQed (I don't eat boiled),
and go easy on the cheese.
And somewhere out there is an X-Men fanfic
where the merry mutants participate in a version of Iron Chef with Twinkies
as the main ingredient, and the Twinkie Dog is included in the dishes
produced. First one, if I recall. =)
The fanfic is Rumble
in Kitchen Stadium, by Kerrie Smith. The same fanfic page has X-Men
fanfics called Midnight
Twinkie Run and Tale
of the Last Twinkie. Obsessed much, people?
The Unknown Pervert writes:
I just happened onto your otaku
challenge, The Twinkie Sandwich. Now, I am a huge anime fan, not to
mention a pervert. I ran out and immediately bought the igredients for
this concoction, and fixed one. I must say it is the most repulsive
piece of shit I've ever eaten. I think it was worth it, just to fulfill
Pervert-san, you are truly a credit to your subculture and an honor to
your epithet. And yes, you are a pervert.
As soon as I came across this
challenge, I grabbed my bike and rode the half mile to the market (really
small). They had none of the ingredients needed. So, I crossed the street
to the gas station where I found a guy who graduated from my school,
that I knew from band. He guided me to the Twinkies and Cheese Whiz,
but alas! No hot dogs! I decided to give up untill the next day (Saturday)
when the roller rink my grandma owns, and I happen to live next to,
would be open, and I would get a hot dog there. Saturday arrived, and
I was rudely awaked, and reminded that the Walk for Life, Cancer Relay
(Where I got sunburnt -_-) was today. I had forgotten about the Twinkie
and cheeze by then, but they were still in my backpack. I happened to
take the same Backpack to the Cancer Walk. When I emptied it (it was
full of misc. Snacks ^_~) There were the twinkies! Could I be so lucky?
YES! I ran to the concession stand (with limited food) and there were
hotdogs! I asked for no bun, and explained my mission... Ithink they
had a good laugh, along with some "EWWWWS!" I got back to where my friends
were waiting. I split open the Twinkie, which was REALLY crumbly! Inserted
the hot dog, and put on a thin line of cheese. I closed my eyes, my
friends gasped... I cringed. This was much worse than I thought it would
be! I thought it would be cake (no pun intended), since (to the repulsion
of the marching band) I rather enjoy eating chocolate chip cookies on
top of my hot dogs. But this was terrible! Not only do I not enjoy Twinkies
too much in the first place, this had a sharp shugary taste to it! But
Iwas determined to finish it! Then I had an Idea. I grabbed the can
of cheeze, and covered the hot dog in it... It helped... a little. It
took me a while, but finally I sucked it up, and put the rest of it
in my mouth (three or four bites in total). The other Twinkie STILL
remains on that picnic table. I plan on trying again later and taking
a picture to send to you... I'm a Survivor, although I DID get some
bad stomach cramps from it -.-;;
The singular personage known as Scott, Cathow, and Kakarotto write/s:
I went to the store the other
day, and I saw the shelf with all the canned cheese products, and immediately
thought about your challenge. I bought all to ingredients, and just
a few hours ago tried the finished product.
In all honesty, it wasn't too
Wasn't *good* either, but it
wasn't too bad. I'd say the worst part was the twinkie filling on the
hotdog. Doesn't mix well at all. Plus I hate cheese in a can. I don't
think I'd eat it again, but I didn't think it was too gross. More just
I have eaten twinkie dogs in
the past. Speaking from experience, they aren't by any means the tastiest
thing that has ever passed my lips, & they aren't the nastiest (that
would be anything my mother cooks more complicated than tuna casserole).
However, if you chase that twinkie dog with a nice, big swig of Hamm's--they're
not bad. (Hamm's is a particular brand of beer, btw. Most commonly found
in the small mid-central towns of Wisconsin.) In, fact, they're actually
quite good, they even make Hamm's taste better.
Let us all bow our heads and observe a moment of silence in honor of
these brave warriors' sacrifices.
Twinkie Sandwich Links
UHF Featurette: Twinkie-Weiner
Chef's Help - Twinkie Weiner Sandwiches - Truly overexplicit directions
on how to make a Twinkie weiner sandwich.
- Weird Al didn't stop at Twinkie sandwiches.