Jedi Training
Phase I
April 25, 2002 - Present

Phase I will be complete when I can:

  • Perform Jedi mind control on small animals.
  • Stand on my hands against a wall for 10 minutes.
  • Bench 125 pounds.
  • Squat 150 pounds.
  • Do three pullups.
  • Do the kind of situp which involves sitting on a reclining bench--easily.
  • Run two miles.

My training plan consists of weightlifting every third day, jogging every other day, and working my abs two days in a row with the third day off. I have a long and storied history of overtraining, which is why I'm taking it easy with everything except abs. Also, my left hip has been giving me problems, so I'm not doing lower-body strength training until I'm sure it's healed. *sigh* Squats were my fave, too. There's nothing quite like hefting 60 pounds of metal onto a 45-pound bar to make you feel macha.

Jedi masters debate whether the stages of physical and mental training and the stages of sartorial training can be equated. As a mere beginner, I do not presume to know better than my superiors. Since they can't make up their minds, I'll have to sit on the fence with them. I will endeavor to look good in a kimono and hakama by the end of Phase I, but will not consider myself to have failed if I have not attained this goal by the time I have attained the other markers of Phase I; nor shall I consider myself ready to proceed to Phase II if I look good in gym clothes before Phase I is over. If the sin of pride threatens to overtake me, I shall engage in shopping meditation in the juniors section of Filene's until the temptation has passed.

Of course, if I look good in clothes from the junior's section of Filene's, I shall gloat my ass off. But I shall gloat like a humble novice of Phase I.

A serious bout of sewing meditation is in order, too. I don't own a kimono and hakama.

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