The Iifa Tree
Thoughts on Kuja
Kuja was pure Versailles in his first scene, and poetically dramatic
in Treno, but now that he's back on his own turf he's... goofy.
Goofy? Yes, I believe the correct word is indeed "goofy."
He stands up on the back of a fast-flying, undulating dragon, casting
his arms to the side and declaiming, "Now I can show the world
my true face!" Geez, Kuja, you didn't cover anything else up,
why did you bother hiding your face?
And then he turns to the side. Which wouldn't be bad if his head
and torso turned and his feet stayed put, but no, his entire body
turns, so he is now standing crosswise on the dragon's spine. His
feet don't even bend to acknowledge that he's standing on a peak.
He looks like he's going to tip into the drink at any minute, but
no... just more silly declaiming.
And the scene in the Iifa Tree! He poses and gesticulates like
a bad Vaudevillian villain. Dude, put your arms down. The wind's
gonna catch in your sleeves and pull you off the branch. And that
"hand to the forehead" thing? Totally Goth. Your white-and-purple
clothes? Totally not Goth. Dye the hair, get some eyeliner, go shopping,
work the look if you're going to do the moves.
He spends much time with his back turned to the screen, which is
disconcerting. For one, his hair is unnatural. There's a big poof
up top and a big poof on the bottom, with a narrow section which
suggests that most of his hair is pulled into a ponytail--but in
the video sections, it's clear that it all hangs loose. Kuja may
not have stupid hair, but he does have stupid hair animation. And
for the second complaint, his buttcape... er...
Well, look at how it hangs in my icon. It falls lowish on his butt,
but what's showing is more hip than butt. In the game version, it
falls much lower, so that much of his ass is genuinely hanging out
his belts. It's very distracting. Not in a sexy way, either, because
game-Kuja has no hips. It's just... disturbing. Doesn't he get chilly?
What does he do when he sits down?
And yet, with all that exposure, his buttcape manages to completely
obliterate the lines of his ass.
After all that gesticulating and posing and just generally trying
too hard to be too sexy for his purple armored crop-top, he comes
off in the video scenes as... cute. No, not cute. Adorable. Sweet
face, sweet smile, delighted expression, winning little way of putting
his finger to his lips. He looks so happy and childlike, nestled
into the ruff of his
silver dragon as he contemplates the burning ruins of Brahne's fleet.
Villains should be winsome, they really should.
On to the next